can still remember that when I was a little girl , all of my
clothing were made by mother stitch by stitch. While mother was sewing, that ignorant girl
would squat down her small body and tilt her head to look at the mother. Maybe
since then, I have decided the field I will eventually study and be engaged in
.
In general, I am in a fairly wealthy family and my parents never
treat me bad in the material. I am a
girl with gentle character and my behavior is not very perverse and I have not
experienced many big stumbling, during my course of growing up, actually I
think my grew up has been fairly well.But no one understands my indifference
and lack of security, and when getting along with people I feel dissociated and
I always keep a safe distance in my heart.That’s me, a 18-years-old girl.
Rome was not built in a day, and who are born with
indifference.This is closely connected with my family.My father is a doctor, an
excellent doctor, at least in the workplace.He was born in the countryside and
had the dream and ambition for fame. He also experienced setbacks. He has six
brothers and sisters , nestling to grow up since childhood. All of these
contributed to a delicate heart of my father which is different from his peers
and he also pays more attention to family values and has a desire to control as
well as a bad temper. He also considers studying is the most important thing,
because that’s the way he has experienced. My mother, on the contrary, comes
from the city and since the childhood she has been living in superior. Her
parents' tolerance has contributed to her personality of carelessness and
tolerance as well as freedom of action. The differences in their values and
characters seem to have doomed tragedy.When I was a child, my parents were on
good terms and I didn't feel pressure from their marriage. All ended up when I
was eleven years old, my father had an affair,.It let me grow up very
quickly.And I began to understand the fracture of the family, and I planted the
seeds of unease.I started to stay alone and stood on my own feet. I kept
distance with others especially the men.
I had thought it would always be like this until I met them.They
were my university classmates, my best friends and my teachers.They used their
enthusiasm and their wounds to heal me.I began to introspect what did I
get and what did I lose in my past years
and do I feel satisfied now, what do I pursue, and is it too late to purse. I
think carefully, and pictures emerge one by one in my mind. I try to contact
with the opposite sex, and have a moderate love fair. Gradually, I reached the
marriageable age.Pressure from family and society made me lost in an instant. Should I find
someone to get married like other women? No way! I had an open-minded talk with
my parents, and I did what I would be unwilling to do in the past , trying to
regard my father as a friend.I was lucky that my family, supported my idea and
my friends encouraged me, and I was still walking along. I am only 24 years
old, and I have many 24 years . When I was a child, I always had many kinds of
dreams . Then when we all grow up, what will you become?Looking back, then
everything will be full of beauty, and I want to say to myself: "I'm
sorry, who I am now have a large distance with what I imagined I would be when
I was a child . But I like what I am now and you should be proud of me.” I
believe I have cured myself , at least I am on the way of self heal.Who is sick
like me ?Do someone help them? Will they get well??Why do I study?what do I
study for? Why do I live ?What do I live for ?Over and over, I will ask
myself.My friend, my father, my mother, they all fall ill. If some people
helped my father and pushed him when he was young and was facing setbacks, ;If
some people told and taught my mother what to do when my father was frustrated
;If someone accompanied with me and enlightened me when I lost myself in my
childhood, would everything be different from now? What I have experienced has
become history, and how many people are still at sea .I want to help them, I
want to heal others.I explore myself, I help myself and I heal myself, because
I have met so many people, however how many patients in China don't have the
chance. Thus I want to create opportunity for them ,I want to use my heart to
communicate with other people. I want to!I'm Shouting!
Life in China is so interesting. I love my land and I want it to
get well.It has developed so fast that people can't keep up with it and people
have paid considerable price to get used to it and survive . When you finally
stand still,you still feel thirsty. However the turning point appears and
passes quickly and now you even don’t know why you feel thirsty or even ignore
the thirsty. No one helps you ,teaches you, or guides you. I come over from
this process and I want to be the power of others, just like other people who
have helped me. Like my father, who was born in China in the end of the
"cultural revolution" , he had experienced extreme turbulence, reform
and opening up. In the rapid development era, he had to spend every effort to
adapt the development.It may be said that the Chinese in that era are at sea,
Or the modern children who are born in a highly Informationization society, are
all communicating with the machine. Always facing mobile phone and computer,
these children have emotion problems since they were born .They all need to be
guided and be cure , but nobody in this sick country does the work . But we
still have time, yes, we have time. I want to do it, I want to cure more and
more people.Because I myself have suffered from it, I know the joy to be
understood by others and I think I have found my place, I want to help sick
China to find its location. You may say I am naive and vague and you may also
say it is impossible.However as the old saying goes newborn calves are not
afraid of the tiger, there will always be a little ripples, as long as we
persevere. However small the ripple may be, it will walk forward as long as it
begins to turn.
With such mood, I start my first project after I become graduate
students. The project is a social shopping site used to help Chinese single
older women to liberate themself, to know themself and to find themself.
Good design can touch us. People who deeply loves life can
influence others.I want to create a platform for the Chinese single women who
are under social pressure to help them find allies, confidence and become
stronger. I want to use goods in good design to change their lives, to make
them love themselves and love life.I want to make them become more successful
women.
My definition of success is strong woman. They can hold their head
high while seeking their fortune, although sometimes they may make mistakes
.But they all have very strong individuality and they are not flabby. They are
not disadvantaged groups in society, do not need help.I think Chinese women can
live more self, eliminate social injustice, confidence in life, know what you
want.
Let me introduce my target customers: leftover women.
leftover women: refers
to the women who have passed the marriageable age which is generally recognized
by the society and still keep unmarried It is a new title for the older female youth who are referred to as
"single" or who are also been called "the abandoned women "
The words leftover women are demonized words; and the leftover
women is a group of people who are demonized.The emergence of "leftover
women", is a sign of social progress, but the radical reaction of the
public for this group is a step backward.
According to the survey, 27% of the "leftover women" are not under
the pressure of marriage and 36% of the
"leftover women" think single is good too.
The so-called leftover women are the women who choose to be left
with their own will and they chose to be left because they haven't found their Mr . Rights .So in this
sense, they cannot be called leftover women. They are a group of single young
woman looking for happiness and adhering to love .[1]
But even if it is out of their own will, they still can not escape
from the public views .
1.vicious circle brought
by herd behavior
" If you don't take a boyfriend home this Spring Festivale , you do not
need to go back to Wenzhou. Your father and I will like go to Hangzhou to
celebrate the Spring Festivale. We can't
afford to lose the face if the relatives and friends ask about you
."Hanging up the phone, Shanshan got quite worried. When her personal
problems rising to the height of the family problems or even the family
problems, the most powerful self-confidence will be crushed.
Postgraduate, on-the-jobcivil servant, good looks,
Superior family, all of these conditions made Shanshan become quite popular
after graduation three years ago. The "resources" to choose from at
that time was rich enough to be filtered by her parents for first time, and
then be filtered by herself .But the 28-year-old Shanshan has been classified
as the leftover woman.
The more terrified women are , the more superiority men will have
and the more they want to look for young woman.Then, little girls who do not
belong to "leftover women" also begin to panic, thus forming a
vicious circle."Shanshan mocked herself that although in recent years she
had been reducing her requirement, speed of reducing the requirement is far
behind the speed of devalue of herself. [2]
The panic comes from society and we have to say that China is
still a patriarchal society. The Hong Kong relationship expert He Shining
analyzed the phenomenon in this way: "The reason is that the women in the
city run so fast that the man fail to keep up with them, thus the women can't
find their other half."[3]
From this perspective, it is a symbol of the rising women and a
natural respond attitude of the men to the crisis after patriarchy is
threatened , combined with the Chinese traditional social thoughts.This
response attitude is widened and thus become a kind of social attitudes.This is
a challenge to patriarchy, and a new stage of feminism.Some women are called
leftover women, because they don't like ordinary girl who must get married
after reaching a certain age .They look for a man according to their own ideas,
and they will suffer a lot of pressure during the process, however this is a personal
choice.Shanshan said the parents would keep urging you to find your other half,
but they couldn't force you to marry and that was the progress of the society.
There are no so-called leftover women in the western
world, because they think that marriage is personal right and nobody has the
right to judge whether other people need to get married or should get
married.Now, the embarrassment of the so-called "leftover women"
around us is that this group is not strong enough to reverse the existed ideas of
the whole society. But this kind of reverse is undoubtedly a kind of inevitable
trend.In the process of transformation, what they need most is the tolerance of
the society.-- -- psychological experts Li Zixun [4]
“A lot of
Chinese women, on the one hand, are influenced by Chinese culture and on the
other hand are under the influence of the western culture, which makes them at
a embarrassing position.” He also believed that in China the appearance of the
so-called leftover women, was mainly due to cultural transition between Chinese
and western culture
The educated Chinese women have accepted some western thoughts, but they are
also influenced by oriental family culture.Therefore, the leftover women,, will
feel some pressure from relatives and friends and social consciousness . The
average age for marriage of Chinese women is earlier compared with the western
society, The Chinese still regard marriage as a necessity.
Westerners do not think that the couple is certain to get married.
They may live together without marriage and sometimes may just get married to
have a baby .Love and marriage can be separated. And people who are more than
35 years old keeping unmarried is very common in the western world .There are
no so-called leftover women in the western world. People think marriage is a
personal right, and they never judge whether others need to get married or
should get married.Because they believe that everyone has the right to choose
the way of life and no one can judge other people's way of life, as long as one
is willing to, it is part of human rights.In many cases , there is no boundary
between person and person in China, we may say whether there is something with
the people who are not married even at 35 years old .This has something to do
with culture and no body should be blamed.In China the appearance of the
so-called leftover women, is mainly due to the cultural transition between
Chinese and western culture .A lot of Chinese women, on the one hand, are
influenced by Chinese culture and on the other hand are under the influence of
the western culture, which makes them at a embarrassing position.Some people’s
heart is in pain, but the pain is not from life but the people around them.
"If a society appears a large number of leftover women, it
may be not entirely due to the problems of some women and I think it should be
regarded as a social problem. It should be said that this is some kind of
situation appearing in the certain stage of social development." The
writer, Chen Tong said that only when there were more and more leftover women
and when the men also gradually accept and agree this part of the emotional
pursuit of women, the relationship between men and women would reach a new
balance, but now, it was at stalemate period.[5]
In this stalemate period, the single women still have to suffer a
lot of extra pressure from society and family .Some choose to compromise, but
that's not what they really want and they are not happy.Some women are still in
hesitation, just like what I have been. They could not find allies and the way
out and they live in depression .Some of them have used to live alone and
pressure, thus they become numb.
My site is a platform for them and I think, only when the single
people live in a city which is large enough ,when the number of the people who
don’t want to get married or marry at a mature age is enough as well as when
there are enough people to make up of a big family .In this way, can they swim
freely . And only in such a big collective can the single women who still live natural
and unrestrained even if nearly forty appear ."as a group, the condition
of mutual support is more comfortable."[6]
But the words ,leftover women ,in common concept are not glorious
words, we can't shout loudly: we are leftover women.We also don't think we are
the rest. But it will make this particular group lose the way to find allies.So
I present in the form of online website, providing a certain sense of security
through a way without the participation of a third party.
2: panic from themselves
In addition to the social reason,
we'll talk about our own problems.
A person's personality and ideas can not be separated from his
family. Basically speaking most of the families at my age are not stable .And
we need to talk about our parents.Our parents were born in the early days after
the foundation of China, and they had experienced the most dark period in
Chinese history
“The cultural revolution of China”。The
Cultural Revolution has been treated officially as a negative phenomenon ever
since.[7]
Their childhood are spent in the turmoil and their foundation are
unstable.When they came to their youth the government leaders changed and the
values of the whole country were overthrown, from the great leap forward to the
reform and opening up.We again connected with the world, accompanying with the
rapid development of the society. Our parents began to adapt to an entirely
different society, which had spent most of their energy, and changed their
cognitive, reinforced the instability.As they slowly adapted to the new
society, we were born.We were born in an unstable family and society. We were
born under the policy of family planning, thus we didn't have any brothers or
sisters . Since we were born, the entire Chinese society began to enter the
informatization age. There is a lot of information in our life and we have no
choice.
young people like me are growing up in a fragmented
spiritual environment like this. We have no ready-made growth pattern for us to
refer to. The world is changing every moment and every where. We share similar
personality, passionate outside while rational and even cold within. Sometimes,
we have little temper and intrigues. Exposed to excessive information, we feel
a little insecure and keep others at arms’ length. The personality weakness
originates from our family background and social environment. Take my family
for example. My father seeks fame and wealth. However, my mother is totally
different. She values emotions and personal freedom. Similarly, personality and
values of all my relatives are distinct from each other. By that time, our soul
had always been in a wandering state.
Face with such a diversified world of our era and lack of
ready model to us to follow, we have no choice but to know ourselves, improve
ourselves, teach ourselves and find solutions by ourselves. By integrating our
acquired information with our own values and philosophical system
The leftover lady being left is
mainly due to psychological reasons instead of their own conditions. A lot of
women don't believe in eternal stable feelings, because they have no sense of
security and are fear of injury. We are in a complicated era now and anything
can happen and everything is a bit out of control.Although the western world
seems open to us , in fact the divorce rate in the United States is not as high
as China's , because they have faith and have restriction on their mental
behavior . However China now pays too much attention on the material life and
is lack of specification in spirit life which get people flustered.[8]
So I ,on the basis of self-love, optimize my own body and mind to
balance energy,and emit appealing light and make others feel comfortable and
happy while staying with you.Don't put marriage on the first place of happiness
index , because the more important thing in life is to make yourself happy
instead of finding a husband before a certain age like other people to make
yourself sad .Compared to marriage, I advocate love with high quality. I
believe that love is energy flow,so we
will not fear age and marriage. Age, marriage and happiness should not be connected
together, there is no inevitable prelateship among them.With joy in our heart
and sharing love ,we will be in self-sufficient.Following our heart,our mind
and the fate. The core of love is freedom of heart.And it is more important to
love yourself first .
I trust my own aesthetics and design.My online website is also a
shopping site.I cooperate with other designers, I screen in advance a large
number of garbage information for my clients , at the same time I provide them
beautiful shopping, washing the network society filled with a lot of bad
information.By sharing the design and
thoughts from confident designers, we try to cause a reflection and achieve resonance.
In sum, I myself also is one of them, it is also a design down for
myself .I know characteristics and misery. Of this group. As a lucky one, I got
a lot of help and I found firm and release belonging to myself .So I'm more
urgently to help more people like me through this project as well as find my
own collective.
Works Cited:
[1] Entry: 3S lady,
http://baike.baidu.com/link?url=_vojXrsngOKxSoMBmKyeAVDVswCApmktj2-wu8ogKIm7E7VLIs7MjiIl38_hH2hg
[2] Jie Jin, Section One,
[3]Shining He,2012,Lust,ethics
and power:the research report of gender issues,China social Social Science
Press
[4]
The blog of Zixun Li,
http://blog.sina.com.cn/lizixun
[5] Tong Chen, I Do,Popular literature
and Art Publishing Press
[6]Shining He,2012,Lust,ethics and power:the
research report of gender issues,China social Social Science Press
[7]
Entry: the
Cultural Revolution,Section five,
[8]Yibei
Shao, Interview by Zhou
Xuan